You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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