There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
