The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
