Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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