Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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