Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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