Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
