Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
