I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
