where does the pee come out of this thing
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
