I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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