In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
