Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
