Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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