Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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