Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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