; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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