1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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