That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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