just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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