Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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