im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
