can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
