Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
