he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
