"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
