Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
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