Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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