Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
