Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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