Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
