I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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