you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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