Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
