i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My boob is missing a layer of skin
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
