Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
