First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Randomize
