I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
