The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
