i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
