i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
