I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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