Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
