home. puking in laundry basket.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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