Already got asked if we're dating
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hippo gnu deer
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize