Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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