I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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