I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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