I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
