I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
