just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
