Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
