do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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