I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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