I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
