every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
