god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
