I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
