so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
