yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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