who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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