Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
