I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
