Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
