I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
