My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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