the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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