I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
