I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
