you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
