I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
