In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize